121
by kate-dammit-run
Summary: A drabble "experiment". 100 word drabbles. One per Lost episode. One a day for the next 121 days.
1. Pilot Part 1

**121 Drabbles**

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Author's Note

I've recently been feeling rather uninspired. I really want to go back to work on Sins of the Father and I know I always say it that I've got all 23 chapters of that fic outlined but for some reason I don't know, I just cannot get the creative juices to start flowing. So I'm giving myself a chance with this little exercise. It's going to be 121 drabbles; one drabble, one hundred words per Lost episode, one drabble every day for the next 121 days. They're going to be Jate-centric, as much as possible. If not then most probably either Kate or Jack centered but I might be willing to stray away sometimes. So here goes. We start with…

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**Pilot Part 1**

Her breath against his back is erratic, her soft fingers tremble and her voice shivers when she speaks. Sweat drips in a jagged line along his spine and he sucks in an anguished breath when the needle breaks his skin. She voices her fear and he feels an instinctual desire to protect her; to protect her from her own fears. He struggles against his own and tries to calm her, and the tear that rolls down his cheek, saltiness burning the fresh wound over his stubble, is not because of the blunt needle penetrating his tender skin. _He's scared too._

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So, what do you think? Worth doing it?


	2. Pilot Part 2

**Pilot Part 2**

Hurley lies unconscious in the in the sand next to him and Jack has his hand elbow deep in the Marshall's blood. He should focus on the task at hand but instead he cannot stop wondering why she would go back there after what they saw. It confuses him, _she_ confuses him, but not as much as the fact that he is worried about her confuses him. He doesn't know anything about her except that her name is Kate, her eyes are a wild green that matches the heavy jungle foliage, the freckles on her right check outnumber those on her left and that she came back for him after the monster attack.


	3. Tabula Rasa

**Tabula Rasa**

She falls heavily onto the damp sand, next to where he has been sitting for hours. She barely knows him; two days are hardly long enough to get to know a person. But what she does know is that she took advantage of him. What she does know, what she knows now, is that there is far more to him than meets the eye. She falls heavily onto the damp sand and after a moment she speaks, "I want to tell you what I did", and she does, she honestly does because something tells her she can trust him (just as much as she can break him).


	4. Walkabout

**AN: **I have a good reason this time, for not updating that is. I have been in bed for three days and just emerged from under the pile of blankets I've been buried under. No, it wasn't the fun kind of being in bed for three days. It was more like the "kill me now" kind. But I'm better now. At least better than the thing I was yesterday LOL

**Walkabout**

_Right behind you, Jackass. _The southerner's scorn-filled drawl bounces off his back and he tries to shake it off. None of his interactions with Sawyer have been affable so far and this can go down with the others. He felt him approaching closely behind him as he slowly approached the inside of the fuselage. Sawyer's been rude and abrasive and uncooperative the last five days and for some reason he reminded Jack of those guys at bars who hogged the pool table closest to the ladies room. But then, right then with careful footsteps following his, his steady breathing matching his, and with the same purpose at heart, he knew he wanted him there. _Because you're about the closest thing I've got to a friend, Doc._

**AN2**: I wanted to go with some Jack/Claire for this one (also could have gone with Jack/Kate obviously) but for some reason, the Jawyer won over. And who doesn't love some Jawyer?


	5. White Rabbit

**AN: **Still not 100% but I really want to thank you all for the enthused reviews. I am finding myself more inclined to write drabbles about little scenes that are not necessarily part of the episode's A Plot. So even though this is the quintessential Jack episode. He won't be featured here LOL

Enjoy!

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**White Rabbit**

The young blond woman by her side talks endlessly about hairbrushes and star signs and astrology as they go through the luggage, separating the practical from the impractical, and Kate cannot help admire her cheerful spirit. Of all of them, she probably had it worst. _Oh, and, and I'm pregnant._ She'd joked just a moment ago and Kate's eyes had taken a quick glance downward. _Oh yes, VERY pregnant_, she thought to herself. She looked at her, smiling, despite the injuries on her face and the child she was carrying. She couldn't be older than twenty one, twenty two maximum. Pregnant, alone. Kate suddenly felt the lucky one among the two, despite being the jail-bound one of the two. She could never imagine being in her place. She did not envy her, but she suddenly felt the urge to protect her (and her soon to be born child), _no matter what it took_.


	6. House of the Rising Sun

House of the Rising Sun

Sun sat in cool shade of the large leafy trees, she tried to keep busy but could not stop herself from watching _them_. The two people who, as they claim, were strangers just a few days before, working on their backpacks and smiling. She recognized their looks, the way they moved around one another, the subtle touches of skin, the secretive sideways glances and shy smiles. She recognized it from the first months of her relationship with the man she now called her husband. She wondered if they knew what they were doing; she wondered if they realized how their bodies moved together in a fluid dance, one only they seemed to know the moves to; that their eyes travelled over each other, the gazes locked momentarily before drifting bashfully; how their laughter crashed into the waves, in a moment so secretly and intimately theirs. She wondered if they knew what a terribly dangerous and tragic path they have landed upon.


	7. The Moth

**The Moth**

Their conversation trails into whispered words, choked out with a whimper and a sense of regret and it falls into a loaded silence. So much more left to say, so much left hanging between them, replaced by a heavy awkward silence. She is the first to break their locked gazes and stare into the flickering fire in front of them. He rubs his sweaty palms against his dirty jeans and notices how close they are. Thighs almost toughing, her arm casually brushing his, the one hanging from the sling she had made for him. He makes no attempt to move, and neither does she, both staring at the fire, leaving their words hanging loosely, dangerously between them. She eventually gets up to leave, with a halfhearted smile. _He still feels her arms wrapped around him, her face in the crook of his neck, her warm breath against his skin._ He wants nothing else but to ask her to stay. But he just returns her weak smile and nods.


	8. Confidence Man

**Confidence Man**

Sayid's brown eyes turn black and his fists fall to his sides, Sawyer scowls and lets go of a deep grunt, and Jack clenches his jaw and rubs the back of his neck. Kate watches, stuck between the three seemingly different men. _A soldier, a conman and a doctor,_ three men she thought she understood, she thought she had pegged. She breathes heavily, watching the events unfold, and she realizes just how wrong she was. Sayid, Sawyer, Jack. They aren't that different after all. They are more alike than they may realize. Strong, smart, stubborn… _dark, haunted, damaged_. Jack focuses on saving Sawyer, who doesn't stop taunting him, and Sayid paces. Kate is furious at all three of them. For everything that has happened today. But she sees it then. She needs them. _All three of them_. They all do. If they have any chance of surviving, they need all three of them, their strength, their intelligence, their stubbornness - _their darkness, their demons, their scars_.

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**AN:** Thanks for the reviews and sorry for disappearing. I am horrible at updating, I've figured out as much. But bear with me, try to stick around because I honestly _want _to keep writing Lost/Jate fanfic and would love to have you read my work.

Thanks


	9. Solitary

**Solitary**

Sun kissed cheeks, freckles glowing, wild curls blowing across her face and a smile that sends his heart into a sprint. She jokes about him smiling and his heart skips a beat. He might have been smiling because he was enjoying a fun round of golf and a well deserved break. But at this exact moment?

_He smiles because of_ _her_.


	10. Raised by Another

**Raised by Another**

The ocean water laps at her feet, tickling her sensitive skin and she smiles. Yes, she smiles. welcomes the warm sun against her cheek and she feels him watching her before she hears him speak. Her smile is contagious and soon enough he's smiling too. He's smiling at this mysterious woman before him, keeping him on his toes, constantly surprising him. _Today, he smiles because she has hope._ And that alone gives him hope.


	11. All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

**All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues**

_Stop that._

_What?_

_That._

It is unnerving, how well she can read him. All the walls he has built around him, all these protective shields that he has been building, they just collapse like feeble sandcastles when she just comes close enough to them. It infuriates him that she can do that, and that he has no control over it. She reads him like an open book, knows what he is thinking, what is bothering him, what his next move is. And it looks like she's not even trying. It seems effortless to her, and he hates it.

He hates it because for every brick wall he has, it looks like she has two, and he wants to be able to read her just like she does him. To have her feel as vulnerable as she makes him feel.

_Just give me something real. Anything._


	12. Whatever the Case May Be

**Whatever the Case May Be**

_No matter what she does, no matter how she makes you feel..._

Jack has tried for a week to get the Marshall's words out of his head. He has tried to let her actions defend her against, to speak for her, to prove to him who she really is. He has watched her with the other survivors, he has been on hikes with her to rescue their friends, he has seen all that she was willing to sacrifice to keep them safe. And in his heart he believes in her. In his heart he believes the Marshall was wrong.

_Don't trust a word that she says. She will do anything to get away._

He sees her palm the key; lie to him while she holds it in her tightly clasped hand. He knows in his heart that she was using Sawyer before, that she is using him now. He goes along, even after calling her on it, threatens Sawyer with the medicine. And they open the briefcase, together, like he said they would. His voice rises every time he asks her, again, the toy airplane twisting between her fingers, and every time she answers he hears her lies. His voice rises again and she finally breaks - the man she loved, the man she killed - and his heart falls heavily in his chest as he turns away from her, her tears spilling down her cheeks.

_She got to you, too, huh?_


	13. Hearts and Minds

**Hearts and Minds**

_Put out your hand._

It sound like a simple request, but nothing ever is between them

_Put out your hand. _

_\- Trust me. Forgive me. Can we start over? -_

She watches his anticipation, returns the look with gentle indecision.

_You'll like it. I swear._

His words are simple, hopeful. It's an apology in the only way he knows how. And she's starting to understand this man a bit more. He's not one to do things in the conventional ways. A seed of trust goes a longer distance than a hollow apology, empty words thrown onto apathetic ears.

_What's a garden without guava?_

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**AN: **I'd just like tothank everyone who has been reading these little dribbles and everyone who has been reviewing. I know I'm a little rusty and I hope I'll soon be back properly and get back to Sins of the Father because even if no one reads it anymore I hope to finish it. Thanks again!


	14. Special

**Special**

_You listened to your old man when you were 10, right?_

Of course Jack listened to his father when he was ten. Jack did nothing but listen to his father when he was ten. He listened to every disapproving, patronizing, destructive word. Sometimes, Jack heard his father's words before his father even spoke them. _You're too weak, Jack. You don't have what it takes, Jack. You won't make it. You will always fail. You are not a leader. You will only disappoint them. You will only let them down,_

Jack still hears to his father's words. Even now. Even here. Even after he's dead.

_Don't choose, Jack, don't decide. You don't want to be a hero; you don't try and save everyone because when you fail... you just don't have what it takes._


	15. Homecoming

**Homecoming**

_I want to come._

He hears her. He hears her before she said the words. Her hears her intent when she suggests they use the guns in the first place. He shakes his head.

_Sorry, we're out of guns. And no one goes out there unarmed._

No one goes out there unarmed. Especially not her. Especially. Not. Her.

He can feel her disapproval. He can feel it, hear it… touch it. He may have not known her for long, but he knows her well enough to know this will not sit well with her. He knows how this will sound, how it will look. They don't need to know the truth. _She does not need to know the truth. _The truth is if he had to choose one person to go out there with him, if he had to trust only one person, it would be her. _It would always be her. _But _he _won't survive out there if she is. His focus should be the mission. Not keeping her safe. She doesn't need to know that. Someone needs to be the bad guy.

_Because, if the lady wants to come... Five guns are better than four._

And it looks like this time, it won't be Sawyer.


	16. Outlaws

**Thank you so much for your reviews! So glad you guys are enjoying these little drabbles.**

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**Outlaws**

_You get all the guns back?  
__All except one._

A simple look exchanged between the two and somehow they both understand – like two childhood friends who grew up together – except they just met a few days ago. Comfortable yet _intimidating._

Of course it's him. _Sawyer._

She suggests she can get it back and somehow the conversation regresses to the events of the other day, the inhalers, _that _kiss. He throws the first comment and she doesn't bite back her reply.

_I only made out with Sawyer because torturing him didn't work._

It will always be like this between them, no battle too big to engage in, no argument left to blow out the window. But as she waits for his comeback, she is surprised by the fact that he just _grins._

Tension broken.

_I just don't want you to owe him anything._

Just a glimpse, a small flash, that is all that Jack will give her. She does not need to know just how _jealous _he truly is.

And she reads it, understands him in ways he can never feel comfortable about. She watches him leave, appreciating just that.

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**and that is how you turn a beloved skate episode into a jate drabble ;)**


	17. In Translation

**...In Translation**

They sit on the beach, gutting fish, and watching as Sun and Jin argue. Again. Jack looks around and for a moment it hits him how absurd it all is. A group of stranger forced to become a community, sleeping a few feet from each other and pretend that it is all perfectly normal. Sun and Jin's argument continues, Claire and Charlie whisper between them, others watch intently while some could not care less. And he sits with Kate, gutting fish, like it's a perfectly normal thing. Some days, for a few moments, they forget they were in a plane crash, that they are stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. Some days, for a few moments, they're a typical community, with the married couple that never stop arguing, the weird guy who's into mystic stuff, the struggling single father, the young couple, the fat guy who makes everyone laugh, the asshole who pisses everyone off… and then there's Jack and Kate, the two who are falling madly in love with each other and everyone knows it. Except for them.

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**Ok, sorry this took me forever but dammit I just couldn't write anything! So I hope this doesn't suck too much. **


	18. Numbers

**Numbers**

_He's never going to speak to me again._

Sun sits next to her, heartbroken and hurting, the pain evident in every syllable she utters.

Kate smiles sadly at her friend – _fellow castaway. _She really wants to reassure her, to tell her it is going to be ok, that Jin is going to forgive her. But forgiveness isn't something Kate knows much about. In her entire life, forgiving has never been something people did. She never forgave her mother for lying to her, her mother will never forgive her for what she did to Wayne, Sam will never forgive her, Tom…

But then there's _Jack_.

Jack who has done nothing but forgive her, time after time after _goddamn _time.

She thinks of the guava seeds.

She smiles at Sun.

_He just needs time._


	19. Deus Ex Machina

**Deus Ex Machina**

_I didn't do it for him._

No, he didn't. He did it for her because she asked him; because Sawyer is her friend. It was not the first thing he did _for _her. And it will not be the last.

Everything he has done since the crash and everything he will do afterwards, it will always be for her; to make her happy, to keep her safe, to rescue her, to rescue the people she cares for, to save her life.

_I didn't do it for him. I did it for you._

_I will die for you._

And he did.


	20. Do No Harm

**Do No Harm**

"Jack said you have to deliver the baby," she hears Charlie say the words but she thinks t's a joke. "No," she says because this is _fucking_ ridiculous. There is no way she is delivering a baby, and she sure as hell isn't delivering one in he middle of the goddamn jungle! "I can't do this," she wants to yell at him, tell him to stop with this sick joke he's playing, but then he says it, "yes you can."

_You can do this, I'm telling you. If you don't mind._

Suddenly she back on the beach, on that first day, and the courage he had in there then, the faith he had in her, it comes back. She can feel it. She can feel him, his strength, his courage, _his faith in her. _

_You're not running now._

She takes a deep breath and counts to five.

She looks at Claire, "I'm scared too. But we're going to get through this _together_, okay?"

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**Thank you so much to everyone who is still reading and **to everyone who is still** reviewing. I know I am still a long way away from ever finishing this, but it's just four episodes away from finishing season one so yay!**


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